the world a letter

So the weather's changing. I need to find a really warm hat. I have this one, but even with three different hats underneath (an EMS liner, a Marmot beanie, and a North Face 200 weight polartec ski hat) I still suffer terribly from the cold. My body has a hard time handling it, and it takes a terrible lot of energy recovering. How, you may ask, can ANY cold get in through so many layers? I spent all last winter asking myself. If you come up with an answer, please tell me. All I can say is that I was far better-layered last winter than the winter before that one, and it did make a huge difference. So I'm going to up the insulation factor, see how well I can get through this one.

But how? I thought, and then reflexively I typed "warmest hat in the world" into google (which tool is becoming an extension of my thought process, lol). This one looks very warm, but I don't think I'm ready to walk around town with a beaver on my head. I'm thinking this one or this one. Persian wool sounds very warm, don't you think? And it's got to look better than the "Mad Bomber". My grandfather wore something similar, I think his father did too, and his father was from Russia. The price is kind of steep, but if it works, it's a bargain, pennies to the metaphorical dollar.

I'm going on a meditation retreat in around a week, to the Poconos to mostly sit and meditate. Also, probably, to eat very little (when your body is full of chi, food kind of becomes an afterthought). I didn't go last year because last year it was to China, but I did the two years previous to that, and each of those years it really gave me a lot more body-energy, and body-focus, to handle the winter in a positive, constructive, fashion.

But Stu, you may say, it's been 4 frickin' years, how much constructive energy can you meditate into your body? All I can say in response is, well, have you ever heard of some of the remedies desperate cfs patients take upon themselves? A friend of a friend of the family (who is, coincidentally, also my 8th grade English teacher) came down with cfs around the same time I did, and she's gone the Western medical route. Currently, from what I've heard, she's one year into the 'Marshall Regimen,' which consists of two elements. One, no sunlight for 4 years (to starve some virus which supposedly lives in bone and really likes vitamin D) and two, a multi-year, ever-increasing (and varying) antibiotic regimen given intravenously. She's feeling pretty crappy, and that is supposed to be a good sign. Best of luck to her. I understand it actually helps some people. But I get the feeling for every one it helps, there's loads more who feel awful without the upswing. Besides, I'll be damned if I'm going to do that, or any of the other crazy shit that some doctors come up with. I really love the meditation I do, and I do get a little better every day. It's turning out to be like building a mountain one shovelful at a time so, I've come to accept that it's taking some time. And, frankly, I have come far, and I'm not willing to risk the well-being I've worked so hard for. As long as it keeps moving in the right direction, towards health, which it is; and, as the positive energy builds up (which energy expresses itself physically as a strengthened immune system), with increasing momentum. I want to not just get better, but come out of this healed. They are two entirely different states of being.

In the meantime, I've got to keep warm. Helluva place for me to live for the winter, the Northeast! Crazy life.